...Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline...

If you are obsessive--compulsive..please press 1 repeatedly..

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2...

If you have multiple personalities...please press 3,4,5,6..thank you..

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call...

If you are schizophrenic..listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press...

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer...