..more jokes..
..you'll always be my best friend..you know too much..
..to err is human to relly mess up and waste billions is politics..
..they told me I was gullible and I believed them..
..born to ride..forced to work..
..I want it now and I want it covered in chocolate..
..if I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet..I'll put shoes on my cat..!!..
..I get enough exercise by just pushing my luck..
..gardening..yoga..bubble bath..MEDICATION..and I still want to smack somebody..
..it's frustrating when you know all the answers and nobody bothers asking the questions..
.life is uncetrtain..eat dessert first..
..I'm not bossy..I just have better ideas.
..if thing's get better with age then I'm approaching perfect..
..you bet your pierogi I'm Polish..
..why suffer in silence when I can moan..wimper and complain..??..
..they call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken..
..save trees..don't do homework..
..I don't skinny dip..I CHUNKY DIP..
..they say I have ADD..but they just don't understand..Oh..look..a chicken..
..you are a web page moron..
..333..I'm only half evil...
..dain bramaged..
..why do psychics have to ask your name..??..
..books is good..
..BLOG THIS..
..my life is a reality show..
..you look as bad as I feel..
..I think you need a 13 step program..
..I have nothing to say..any questions..??..
..always try to be modest and be proud of it..
..make like Amelia Airhart..get lost..
..a clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory..
..I'm not crazy..I'm eccentric..maybe I'm not eccentric..I'm crazy..
..thanks for making the rest of us look so good..
..MORE tools..
..MY HOUSE..MY RULES..
..don't make me choose between love and chocolate..
..it's all English to me....come to think of it..you really are stupid..
..if you are too open minded your brain may fall out..
..your body language is foreign to me..
..I prefer odorless..to tasteless..
…TONgUe TwISters…
..Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings..
..A box of biscuits..a batch of mixed biscuits..
..A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk..but the stump thunk the skunk stunk..
..A new twist on an oldie..
..Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
..If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers..
..Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
..Unique New York..
..T-Shirt Sightings..
..just build a bridge..and get over it..
I don't have an attitude problem JERK..
today is the tomorrow you couldn't give a CRAP about yesterday..
..BEEF..BACON..BUTTER..now that's a diet..
..just be thankful I'm not a twin..
..GARDNERS..
..old gardners never die they just go to seed..
Ring doorbell if no one answers..pull weeds..
..nurse..the person who does twice the work for half the money..
..drink coffee..do stupid things faster and with more energy..
If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body only left handed people are in their right minds..
..I'm only working till I hit the lottery..
..if I got smart with you how would you know..
..so much to do..so few people to do it for me..
..WARNING..my meds are wearing off..
D.A.D...Dads against Diapers..it's not just a job it's doody..
..if you think I nap a lot you should see my grandpa...
..real men fry turkeys..
..I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do..
..when I said..I DO.. I didn't think I'd have to do everything..
I'm RIGHT he's wrong..end of story..
VEGETERIAN..old Indian word for Bad Hunter..
..no outfit is complete without cat hair..
Read My Lips..No More Chocolate..
..Stop Me Before I Volunteer again..
..I put ketsup on my Ketsup..
..Don't Interrupt me while I talk to Myself..
..fish stories told here..protective footwear may be required..
..manure happens..
I'd love to help you out--which way did you come in..??..
..so many socks..so few mates..
I.m having a good day..stay out of it..
I AM NOT IN DENIAL..
I carry no money--I'm married..
I'm perfect and Italian too..!!..
..jenius..
I'm not a complete idiot..some parts are missing..
..I am man hear me snore..
..3 little words that mean so much..SOLID MILK CHOCOLATE..
..Give a man a fish..and you feed him for a day..Teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the week-end..
..don't like my complaining..??.. Dial 1-800-get-lost..
..be nice to your kids..they'll choose your nursing home..
..life's too short to smoke cheap cigars..
..warning..I have an attitude and I know how to use it..
..I want it all and I want it delivered..
Life is too short not to be queen..
..4 out of 5 voices in my head say CALL IN SICK..
..fish your bass off..
..MENtal Anxiety..
..MENtal Breakdown..
..MENstrual Cramps..
..MENopause..
..Ever notice how all our problems start with MEN..??..
..the network is down..but I'm feeling better..
..at my age I've seen it all..I've heard it all..I've done it all..I just don't remember it all..
..Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..
..all I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would the QUEEN..
..we serve only the finest California wine..did you bring any..??..