---

..this will probably be the last Redneck page..I do not think I can find much more..I am glad I have been able to do this and so many people have enjoyed em...God Bless all u Rednecks..everyune else too..mama redneck..

..boy..oh boy..oh boy..

..big pumpkin..will it break the record..??..

..HALLOWEEN..

..HALLOWEEN..

...REDNECK MAILBOXES..

..Answers at bottom of page..

4...what do you call a pretty girl on the arm of a Georgia Redneck..??..

..ALways remember..cleanest one goes in the tub first..

..things ya'all never hear a Redneck say..

..honey let's trade the truck in an get a SUV..

..honey..we just don't need another dog..

..here's an episode of Hee Haw we have not seen..

..you all..

*

*

..this here house is just like any my hubby wouda bout..we always joked about it..he woulda been jus as happy as if he bought a new one..

..the differences between Rednecks and Hillbillies..

..let me say that first of all I think in the north we tended to call them Hillibllies..in the south they are Rednecks..

..not sure what this is..might be a vacation spot for either..or a mother in law's dwelling..

*

*

..now this be a Redneck's unit..

..Belt buckles- A redneck wears a gigantic..shiny belt buckle..a hillbilly wears a gigantic..rusty belt buckle..a redneck has the buckle on a belt while a hillbilly might have it hanging from the rope he’s using as a belt..

..Teeth- A redneck usually has at least half of his teeth or a partial plate. A hillbilly may not have any teeth..including a partial..he does carry his last tooth around his neck..on a string..

**what am I..??..my tooth is home in it's container..I paid almost $500 for it..I do not like it..it's like taking a piece of construction paper--folding it up and putting it in your mouth..I call it my Sunday go to church tooth..I can not get it in right..then I can not get it out..I am afraid I will choke on it..then I am afraid I will throw it out..took it out as it was bothering me..put it in some paper towel..almost threw it out..so I wrote TOOTH on the paper towel..everyone was laughing their heads off..but what are ya supposed ta do..??..

..Homes- A redneck favors trailers for homes..so do hillbillies..except a hillbilly trailer won’t have skirting around it..makes it too hard for the dogs to get under when it rains..and the hillbillies will probably be 75% rust..the Rednecks will be turquiose..

..beverages- both favor beer but a redneck prefers cans over bottles..probably has a beer tower in the living room..

..a hillbilly is concerned only about the price.

..cars-the main difference between a redneck car and a hillbilly car is the amount of time spent up on blocks.

..hair- A redneck uses axle grease to slick his back while a hillbilly will uses snot..hahahahahahaha

..favorite food-hillbillies prefer grits and roadkill. A redneck prefers grits and whatever it happens to be covering up.

..nose blowing-a redneck will wipe his nose on his shirt sleeve while a hillbilly prefers to blow it straight out at the ground. If he hits your shoes, he apologizes.

..work-neither is a strong believer..

..pets- Rednecks-mean dogs. Hillbillies- whatever’s edible..

..reading- Redneck sticks to comic books..hillbillies look at only pictures..

..wife- A redneck might marry his cousin but not his sister..a hillbilly might marry his sister although he might not know it until the junior cretin is born.

..Signs ya may be at a hospital run by a bunch of Rednecks..

The Nurses wear flour sack uniforms..
Dogs hang around the O. R. waiting for scraps.
The Anesthesiologist is weaarin bib overalls..

..Your Gynecologist is Ernest..
..The operating table is being held together by duct tape..

..the nurse has ketsup dribbling down her chin..

Your Proctologist, who watched Deliverance 200 times, asks you if can squeal like a pig..
..The Interns are led by Ernest T. Bass..

Surgical instruments include a stick of dynamite and a chain saw.
..yer bein fed clear liquid outta a Mason Jar..

..I always say I think I am the only one who cleans my fridge..really..though mom is a cleaner..I found about 5-6 bottles of katsup in hers one time..we took a picture..

..REDNECK InveNtions..

1. A solar powered flashlight..
2. An ejection seat on a helicopter..
3. A screen door on a submarine..

ya just might be a Redneck if..

..you've ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..hahahahaha..

ya used a glue gun on your dentures..
you have to dress your kids up to go to Wal-Mart..
..you thought Guns n Roses was something ya got for your anniversary..
ya got a milk mustach 3 weeks old..
your dog house and living room both have the same carpet..

..you think trash TV is something in your back yard..

..your deer stand has an address..
your wife and truck are the same ae..
..you think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it..

you think truffles are a brand of potato chips..
you keep cat fish in your aquarium.

..Southern Sayins..

If things get any better..I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it..

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Winter roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

It's "like trying to herd cats..
..Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor..uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits..The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead..

Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart." Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart..

*

..Selling Whiskey..

"Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury box and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?"

..ya might be a Redneck if..

..you own a Lava light more than 5 ft tall..

. . . you own a flamingo with buckshot holes in it..

. . . your third-grade class has a no-smoking section..
. . . your wife left you for last year’s winner of the hog-calling contest..
. . . it took the smartest kid in your 6th-grade class three times to pass his driving test..

. . . you cut your toenails in front of company..

..your car and it's motor are more than 10 feet apart..

..there are more than 10 cats living under your trailer..
..you serve T-Bird Wine with your burritos..
. . . you think “Hooked on Phonics” is a fishing show..

. . you spend three days in line for Reba tickets..
. . . you drive more than thirty miles to save money on a pack of cigarettes.
. . . you spend most of your time in the laundromat so you can watch TV..
. . . grass is growing in the floor boards of your car. .
. . the junkyard calls you to get spare parts..
..You have to mow around a refrigerator and a washing machine..
you think having electricity is uppity..

..You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
Your trolling motor was once a fan in a barber shop.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.

..Some Good Redneck Advise..

..A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere..
Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles
..Do not smack someone chewin terbacky..
..Drink Upstream from the Herd..
Don't sell your mule to buy a plow..
Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat..

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies..

..huntin redneck style..

Well Bubba began, We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'

And then what happened? the officer interrupted.

From what I remember, Bubba said, I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.."

..this is almost enough to make you sick..

..Redneck Bathroom..

..ya just may be a redneck if..

..THE BEST WAY TO DOUBLE YER MONEY IS TO FOLD IT BACK OVER AND PUT IT BACK IN YER POCKET..

..YA MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF..

Ya think the Battle of the Bulge is a disagreement between your wife and your mother.
You have a little brush to get the dog hair out of your belly button.
You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.

Your nicest towels say Motel 6..
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
You consider a three piece suit a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

It is much easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
Your photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
You think a family reunion as a chance to meet Ms. Right..
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction where you live

*

*

*

.1..What do you call a bunch of tractors sittin outside a Mc Donalds in Arkansas..??..

2..An American Indian and an Arkansas Redneck marry..to reflect both sides of the family what do they name their baby..??..

3..Why did the Redneck drive his truck off the edge of a cliff??

*

Big Clyde sauntered into his local Post Office and noticed a new sign on the wall. MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA..Dang it he says..if only that job was in Texas I'd be a takin it..

..Ya might be lookin at A Redneck's Computer if..

..The keyboard is camoflouge..
there is a NRA Mouse Pad..
..the waste basket is a spittoon..

there is a Dukes of HazzaRD PICTURE SITTIN ON THE DESK..
THE POST-IT NOTES AND SHOTGUN SHELLS ARE IN THE SAME DRAWER..

*

*

*

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. Hey Wilmer! the farmer yelled. Forget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up.

That's mighty nice of you, Wilmer answered. But I don't think Pa would like me to. Aw, come on. the farmer insisted.

Well okay, the boy finally agreed, and added, But Pa won't like it. After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.

Don't be foolish! the neighbor said with a smile. By the way, where is your Pa?

Wilmer replied, UNDER THE WAGON..!!...

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

1..Senior Prom

2..Running Dummy..

3..He wanted to test out his new airbrakes

4..a tattoo