..MORE..REDNECKS
..NOW..
..Ya Just might be a REDNECK if..
..q..What do they call Hee Haw in Arkansas?
A documentary.
..q..How many Rednecks does it take to eat a possum?
Two, one to eat and one to watch for cars.
..q..How can you tell if a Redneck is married?
There are spit stains on both sides of the truck...
..q..What do they call Hee Haw in Kentucky?
Life Styles of the Rich and Famous
Ya might be a Redneck if..
You go ice fishing and bring back 200 pounds of ice.
You and yer dog share the same name.
Your dog weighs more than you do..
you think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 mph..
You think a quarterback is a refund..
Everyone at your school re-union is related.
You consider a six pack life support.
Your new car is a John Deere..
Those three little words you say to your wife are..GIMME A BEER..
You consider RAMBO a classic.
You take notes while watching The Three Stooges.
The dash of your car has more carpet than your whole house.
You rotate your tires more n you take a bath.
After 20 years of marriage you find out your wife is your cousin.
You win the lottery and buy a new DOUBLEWIDE to live in.
You have to wipe your feet to go outside.
You tell your wife to move over in bed so the dog has more room.
Your Lazy Boy has a gun rack mounted on it.
You know the only problem with these jokes? I know some of these people..!!..
*
What do you call an Egyptian Redneck..??..?
You have an Elvis Jell-O mold...
The duct tape on your car seat sticks to your back-end when you get out.
Shopping for dinner involves an orange vest.
Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.
Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand".
Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front seat of the pickup.....
You have a special possum huntin gun...
You don't use a garbage service....
You have more fish on yer walls than pictures..
You have guns in your house that you can't find.
A night of fine dining is going to the Snack Bar at Wal-Mart while the automotive department raises your truck another 8 inches.......
You consider your dog the dishwasher...
Your son has ever stolen dissected frogs from Biology class so that your family won't go hungry.
You prefer the Sears catalog to Charmin.
You think deer hunting should be an Olympic sport.
You have a set of 16 matching salad bowls, and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
You call the police more than once a week to remove your drunk mother-in-law from your front lawn.
Your name is Billy Joe Jim Bob III.
You ever spent the night in the bed of your truck rather than paying for a motel room.
None of your zippers have all their teeth either.
You've ever used scissors on food.
You've ever re-used a paper plate.
Smith and Wesson attended your wedding without an invitation...
You spell fertilizer with only 4 letters.
You shot your own 12 point coat rack.
You've ever slam-shifted a tractor.
You've been to the emergency room more than 3 times for mashing the wrong end of a thumb tack.
The number of times you've seen either Elvis or a UFO exceeds your IQ.....
You've ever been arrested for a DUI while riding on your lawn mower.
You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.
Your favorite NASCAR souvenir came from a wreck in turn 3.
You have ever stopped traffic in order to get a baseball cap off the road.
The pumpkin on your porch has more teeth n your wife
You think a subdivision has something to do with math...
You go to the family re-union looking for a date...
You constantly stare at an orange juice container..because it says concentrate..
Going on a cruise means circling the local Dairy Queen..
You go to Sea World with a fishing pole....
You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.
...could ya be one if??...
The Blue Book value of your car goes up and down according to how much gas is in it..You've shot more than one TV..
You think Dom Perionge is a Mafia leader
You think Beef Jerky and Moon Pies are a major food group...
Your hunting dawg cost more than the truck you ride him around in
You have barnyard animals in your house.
You strike a match in the bathroom, it blows your house right off it’s wheels..
You display a gift from Graceland
you just could be one if.
You n your wife can't eat a meal together..as you share the same dentures...
you re-use your plastic forks
In an effort to watch your cholesterol you eat Spam Lite
You think the stock market has a fence around t.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years....
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You've ever been arrested for loitering.
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.....
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There are more than five Mc Donald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car....
There is a wasp nest in your living room..
You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
You're an expert on worm beds.
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.
The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
You haul more than U-Haul.
Your momma has stomped in the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
There is a gun rack on your bicycle.
....Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
.....Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.....
You think WWW means World Wide Wrestling...
on to more REdneCks..Part three......3....
..Print these out for someone's Birthday..
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