...Rednecks Part Three...
..rEDneCK..GAMes..
Rednecks 2....reds2..
..Now ya might be REDNECK if..
YOU
use Skoal Mouth Wash....
'd rather have grapefruit than biscuits n gravy...
...think the national anthem ends with..Gentlemen start your engines..
attended your mother's prom...
lie though your front tooth...
keep a hi-light pen handy when reading Auto Trader...
ever give rat traps as gifts...
ya can burP..your name...
ever financed a hunting dog....
..have a TV antenna considered a hazard to low-flying planes
Your house only gets 8 miles per gallon?
You've ever stolen toilet paper?
Your girl rolls her hair in juice cans?
..With the juice still in em..!!...
You've plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers..
You've ever been too drunk to fish
You've ever walked thru a drive-thru window
The only scales in your bathroom are those left over from clenin fish...
you think wife swapping is the square dance
You've bought a coordinating rope to tie down the hood and trunk of your car
You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time
Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location.
After a long and very exasperating study the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin. It was decided that the toothbrush was invented in West Virginia.
Intrigured with the discovery, the researchers wer asked by the media how they came to this conclusion. They all agree it was simple deduction. If it was invented anywhere else, it would be called a TEETH brush.
Now ya just might be a REDNECK if..
Ya think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture
Your grandma was thrown out of a bingo parlor because of her language..
You keep a can of Raid in the kitchen..
Your TV cost more n your house....
Your wife's hair-do has been ruined by a ceiling fan..
Your brother in law is also your uncle....
Half your guns are illegal
You purchase Roach Motels by the case...
You've ever fought your momma for that last beer..
You buy your wife a smoke alarm for her birthday..
You think Tang is included in the major food groups..
You've got the license plate off every car u ever owned..
You just bought your kids their first ATARI game..
You have to drive past more than three junk cars to get your mail.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's teeth.
You have more than five magazines on the back of your toilet..
Your wife has to shave more than you do.
You've got a green neck from wearing your fine jewelry.
You and the game warden are on a first name basis.
You've ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put in your truck...
You own a necklace made from beer tabs...
You go to the DMV to transfer the title to your home.
Your best suit came from K-Mart..
You actually like Spam.
Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.
Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
You go to church to pick up women
You think that Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
Bar-b-ecue is a daily thing.
You think a Ford Mustang is a new breed of horse.
You have a Dukes of Hazzard shrine somewhere in your house..
On your first date you borrowed the keys to the tractor from your daddy
you go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house
You've ever mistaken the offering plate for a spittoon
the strongest smell in your house is butane
Your backyard looks like a junkyard
The tires on your truck are bigger than your wife
Your neighbors swing is a better tire than you have on your truck
Your idea of a gourmet meal is the noon special at the truck stop
The furniture on your lawn is better than that in your house
You prefer to sleep in your truck rather than in your house.
You break wind in public and blame it on your kids....
You've ever valet parked a snowplow.......
You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.
There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
You've ever mistaken your Aunt Betty for a man.
You think paprika is a Third World country.....
The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.
You have no hubcaps on your vehicles because you're using them to feed your hunting dogs.
ya think the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
You can't tell what color your car is because of the mud.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
None of your shirts cover your stomach....
The rear tires on your car are twice the size of your front ones.
You've ever rolled a riding lawn mower.
You come back from the dump with more than you went with...
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Bikers back down from your momma..
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You've ever been blacklisted by a bowling alley.
Your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You've ever been in a spittin contest...
You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
The fifth grade is referred to as " your senior year".
Your screen door has no screen.
Your biggest ambition in life is to "git that big ole coon. The one that hangs'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn"
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
You celebrate Groundhog's Day because you believe in it.
You fish in your above-ground pool... and catch something.
You see a sign that says "Say no to crack" and it reminds you to pull your pants up.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
During your senior year, you and your mother had homeroom together.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your granny can properly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held someone up with a caulking gun..
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
Your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.
You are the state cow tipping champ.
Your toothbrush has more hair than your dog.
Your horse has shoes....but you do not...
Roto Rooter refuses to come to your house
You hand the officer your beer while searchin for your drivers license
Your house has a kick stand...
You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
You're still upset over The Dukes of Hazzard being canceled..
You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the lights and radio to work.
You have ever shot a possum on your front porch.......
You can give a summary of all the "Dukes of Hazzard" episodes.
You consider loading the dishwasher..getting your wife drunk.
You order your new teeth from a catalog
Your blood alcohol content has ever exceeded your IQ.....
..you've ever written in Richard Petty's name on a voting ballot..
You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers..
Your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
You keep an autographed picture of Hank Williams JR in your wallet.
....your car isn't capable of exceeding the speed limit.....
You think Motorola is something you put in your car...
You've ever gone to see your maw run at a dirt track.....
Your dad hollers let's hit the road for dinner..then grabs a shovel.
You've ever called your girl your coon huntin dawg's name by mistake..
Your last car is now your main storage unit.
use toilet paper for book-marks......
pick up their girls on a bike to take em to the prom..
... wake up with chocolate in their ears after spending the night in a fine hotel.
enter "Howdy Doody Look-alike" Contests.
drive around parking lots for fun..
....think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug...
need a full tank of gas..to pick up a package at the local post office...
prune their trees with a shotgun.
The Salvation Army refuses your mattress..??..
Your best coat is black and red checked.....
you put your Christmas lights back up two weeks after taking them down
You can't wait for the Saturday night square dance.
You have a pet name for your truck...
Flannel is your favorite color.
You've got more bumper stickers than children.
.....Your wife is the only one that the chickens will allow into the laundry room.
You trim your toenails with a Weed-Whacker?..
You pay for your hair care in weekly payments..
Your idea of new siding on the house is another roll of tar paper.
You thought ER was ET's cousin.
You've ever been stuck in your own driveway.
You can name all the characters from the "Dukes of Hazzard"
You got married in the family car, in a drive-thru chapel.
You could be one if...
Your idea of a fancy dessert is "moon pie ala mode".
You and your wife celebrate your anniversary at the K-mart cafeteria.
You name your car The General Lee.
You go to your local pet shop for a cat scan.
You go to the dentist for a "Tooth Cleaning".
your boyfriend gives you car parts for your birthday....
...Coons get into everyone else's trash but yours....
When you say, "Let's hit the hay," you actually MEAN it.
....You can feed a family of five on ONE Mc Donald's Extra Value Meal.........
Burger King won't let you do it your way.....
You've given your gun a woman's name.
You go to the post office to research your family tree.
...You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can....
You chew your own toe nails...
You let goldenrod grow in your yard cause it looks so purty....
You've absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait . . . and didn't spit it out.
Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.
Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
Your dog's shots are up to date but your children's ain't.
....You bob for apples in the toilet...
Your whole family sleeps in the same bed.
You've ever financed a tattoo
THE TIRES on your truck are taller n your children
You wore a baseball cap to the opera.
You think Purina is some kind of Ex-Lax.
You've ever given a set of Tupperware ice tea glasses as a wedding present.
You go to garage sales to shop for Christmas gifts.
At age 42 you still have clowns come to your birthday party.
you consider taking your in laws to a movie as "takin out the trash"
you purchase Tuna Helper by the truckload...
after you take a swim..the lake has to be re-stocked
You've taken out a classified ad for less n a dollar....
You've taken a U-Haul to a wedding...
Your bathroom has the words Port a Potty on it
You've used a hang nail as a tooth pick
Your huntin dawg's headstone is bigger n gramps is...
two of your uncles are named Cletus..
You're still lookin at these jokes..
You think 'possum is the "other white meat".
Your lawn mower has no blade...
....You spray paint your car to make it look better.
Everyone knows yer coming long before you get there...
You think OFF is a fine smelling cologne.
You need a dictionary to spell your name.
There are more dishes on your counters..than in your cupboards..
You have more tires in your yard than on your trucks.
You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
You re-use dental floss to save money.
You've ever made change in an offering plate...
You have to go outside to get something outta the fridge...
Your truck is taller than your house is
*
How do you tell if you live in an affluent redneck neighborhood?
Your neighbor has a Cadillac sitting on cement blocks in his front yard.
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Please visit my Dukes of Hazzard Quiz and Trivia page..thanks.....DOH.....created February 1998..