..lawdy..lawdy..lawdy..

..more Redneckks..

2.. What has eight legs and three teeth?

3.. Why were the rednecks pushing their house down the road in the middle of winter?

4.. Why does it take a redneck five days to wash his basement windows..
6.. Who has the right of way when four cars come up to a four way stop at the same time?

7.. How can you tell if it's a Redneck firing Squad..??..

..Short Redneck Story..

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..8 ..What's the difference between a Redneck grandmother and an elephant?

..9 ..What happened when the Redneck found out he'd been promoted from the second to third grade?

..10..What does a Redneck call a cow without 4 legs..??..

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..More good ole Rednecks..

..Ya might be a redneck if..

..ya order a cheesburger at Mc Donalds and tell em to hold the cheeze..
ya try to wake up your sleeping bag

yur gun cabinet takes up half your living room.

You can't take a bath in the winter 'cause the stream is frozen.

You only bathe when it rains.

Ya couldn't attend your 5th grade graduation causn you had jury duty..

..yer TV is sittin on top of another tv..

Your favorite pickup line is "Does this look infected to you?"

..ya wash your collard greens in the tub

(I told my hubby he should do that this week..they had to be collard bushes..huge..!!..collard greens here..collard greens there..collard greens everywhere..**leave it to a man**my hubby makes all these greens and puts em in bags..then in the freezer upside down**good thing I caught them when I did..collard juice all over..I guess he believes those bags really do seal***)

-You ask your wife weather the spot on your neck is a boil or a mole and she replies "Its a gummy bear."

there are more than 5 colors in your best suit

ya go to Mc Donalds looking for a date

Takin a dip does not concern water

Ya got more fingers n teeth

You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.

Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-bee-Q'.

You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.

Your mother is hairier than your father.

Instead of flossing you use a plunger.

You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way

Your grandma can bench press a truck..

You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.

Cow Pat Lip Gloss

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day..The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine.

He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?" "Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips." "And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.

"Nope, but it sure does keep me from lickin' 'em."

..Ya couklld be a Rendeck ifn..

When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.
Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.

At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.
You gave your young son a super-soaker water gun and an NRA application for his birthday.
You have an autographed picture of Bob Barker in your wallet.
You think "Meals on Wheels" is another name for roadkill.
You shot your own 12 point coat rack.

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..Redneck Hotel..

..They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel.

She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.

But, madam! replied the bellman.

Don't But madam me, she continued. You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and we've never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager.

Madam, the bellman said, this isn't your room; this is the elevator!..

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A Kentucky family took a holiday to New York City.

For an adventure the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by everything they saw - especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.

The boy asked, 'What's that there, Paw?'

The father responded, 'Well son, I reckon I never did see nothing like this in my entire life. I got no darned idea what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up.

They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened again and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, 'Go git your Maw.'

..Rednecks go on a Cruise..

..is this here island surrounded by water?
do these stairs go up or down?
What time is the midnight buffet?
Does the crew sleep on board..??..

ya use WD-40 as a sunscreen..
..what's the altitude here?

..Ice Fishing..

There were two good ol' boys from Alabama who loved to fish. They wanted to do some ice fishing that they'd heard about in Canada, so they took off to try it.

The lake was frozen nicely, so they stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their bait and tackle.

One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick." After they got their equipment, they took off.

In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks."

He sold him the picks, and the good ol' boy left.

In about an hour, he was back at the shop agaain and said, "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got."

The shop owner couldn't believe it. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"

"Not very well at all," he said. "We don't even have the stupid boat in the water yet."

..answers..

1.. You;d have to re-train them..
2.. A Billy Ray Cyrus concert..**his song Face of God is beautiful** 3..they were trying to jump start the furnace..4.. It takes 4 1/2 days to dig the holes for the ladder.. 6.. A. The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker that reads Guns don't kill people. I do... 7.. They're standing in a circle.. 8.. about 7 lbs.. 9.. He cut himself shaving .. 10.. hamburger..!!..

..ANSWER..It all depends on how heavy the traffic is..
..builds a house..
..telephone pole..
..at the family barbecue..of course..
..Perfesser..
..nice tooth..