..Hillbilly Hotdos..

..dogs..

..ya might be a city girl inf..

You've never tried a chaw of Red Man../\..

..You won't bait your own hook because worms are "icky"..
..You do all of your gardening in barrels on the patio..
You get to park your car in the garage because your husband doesn't own ANY old tractors..

..You don't like country ham..
...You've never even heard of red-eye gravy...

.You know how to make quiche, and your husband actually likes it..

..You've never been to a tractor pull..
Your boyfriend took you to a tractor pull and you DIDN'T like it../\..

..You think that wind mill in the cow pasture is there to keep the cows cool..

..Your kids play soccer instead of baseball..

..You like cats better than coon dogs..

All of your cats live in the house..
..All of your cats have names like Muffy..Fluffy..

..ya might be a country girl ifn..

..Stores don't have shopping carts, they have buggies

..You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year..
..You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked..
..You own only 4 spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Duke's Mayo..
..The local papers cover national and international news on one page but require 6 pages for sports.
..You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday..

ya met yur hubby at the Dairy Queen..
..Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite pastime known as "goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World"

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather..

..ya may be a redneck if..

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.-.you have greese under your toe nails hahaha
.-. your kids favorite bedtime story is “Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.
..you think a manicure is some kinda French Doctor..
..ya paint your car with house paint..

../\..yer wife can not fix dinner cause she's got cheerleading practice..

..Your reunion was ruined cause yer daddy burnt the Spam..

..Your standard of living goes up when you go camping..
.. .Every room in your house is a junk room..

It takes an entire dumpster to clean out your car...

. . . you’ve ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions...
. . . your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.-.
..during your wedding ceremony the minister said..Do you DeWayne take Connie to be your old lady?

..your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts . .
there’s graffiti on the bathroom wall in your own house..

Your school colors were camoflauge
You think a 401 K is your mother in law's bra size..
Your car goes 15 mph faster when you remove all the beer cans
you've ever raked leaves in your kitchen
your church uses shot glasses for communion
you can't use the restroom at school as the path is flooded..

Ya may be a REDNECK if..

..You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
Your trolling motor was once a fan in a barber shop.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.

Ya think the Battle of the Bulge is a disagreement between your wife and your mother.
You have a little brush to get the dog hair out of your belly button.
You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!" Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

Your nicest towels say Motel 6..
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
You consider a three piece suit a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

It is much easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
Your photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
You think a family reunion as a chance to meet Ms. Right..
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction where you live

TRAGEDY STRIKES IN COLLEGE STATION, TEXAS AP Newswire Tragedy occurred today in College Station, Texas when a Cessna 152 piloted by two Texas A&M graduate students crashed into a cemetery on their final approach to the College Station airport. At last report over three hundred bodies had been recovered by Texas A&M's crack search and rescue team. A spokesperson for the rescue team indicated that recovery efforts would continue through the night. This reporter was impressed that the two students from the downed aircraft were aiding in recovery efforts.

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ANSWERS BELOW

.1..What do you call a bunch of tractors sittin outside a Mc Donalds in Arkansas..??..

2..An American Indian and an Arkansas Redneck marry..to reflect both sides of the family what do they name their baby..??..

3..Why did the Redneck drive his truck off the edge of a cliff??

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Big Clyde sauntered into his local Post Office and noticed a new sign on the wall. MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA..Dang it he says..if only that job was in Texas I'd be a takin it..

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It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. Hey Wilmer! the farmer yelled. Forget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up.

That's mighty nice of you, Wilmer answered. But I don't think Pa would like me to. Aw, come on. the farmer insisted.

Well okay, the boy finally agreed, and added, But Pa won't like it. After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.

Don't be foolish! the neighbor said with a smile. By the way, where is your Pa?

Wilmer replied, UNDER THE WAGON..!!...

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1..Senior Prom

2..Running Dummy..

3..He wanted to test out his new airbrakes

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..ya might be a redneck if

You've ever gone hunting on a tractor..
Your sewage system consists of a pipe goin down a hillside..
..your punchbowl flushes..
You serve spinach for dinner after mowing the lawn.
You have a Kool-Aid mustache..
Stealing road signs is a family outing..
You have an above ground pool..and you fish in it..
You have ever picked up a woman at a convenience store..
If there's an empty milk jug you see no reason to stop at a rest stop..
Starting your car involves popping the hood..
You think TV TRASH is something in your backyard..
You use Armour All on your leather jacket..
Your spare tire is a cement block..
There's graffiti on your bathroom walls..
You've gotten in a fistfight over a bowling score..
You go through more than two gates to get to your home..
There's more electronic equipment in your truck than in your home..
You have greese under your toe nails..
Your best coon huntin dog gets a birthday present and your wife doesn't..
The game warden knows all the serial numbers to your guns..
You drive across town to see a car wreck..
You follow the tractor pull circuit...
Your primary income involves pigs or manure..
Your best sofa came from a Chevy...
You and six neighbors split the cable bill..
Your living room and the dog house both have the same shag carpet..
Your house plants are not in pots..
your favorite fishing lure is TNT..
Your dates expect you to light their cigars.
You dream of Princess Leah in Daisy Duke shorts..
You take reading material into an airplane restroom..
You've ever taken a generator and a 27 inch TV.. camping..

..yer moMMa might be a Redneck if..

.·she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged!
·she put a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept!
..·she took a spoon to the Super Bowl!..
..·she tried to drown herself in a carpool!
..·she tried to steal a free sample!
.·when she heard 90% of all crimes occur around the house, she moved! ·..

..Yer jus might be a Neck ifn..

..you repaint your pink flamingo every spring . .
..your masseuse uses lard...
your pillow case doubles as your bowling bag...
you use channel locks for a nose hair trimmer..
.you have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon..

Ya gotta see this one 2..some are duplicates from my page and others..it says rated g and that is all I saw..50 funny pictures..

..RN..

Here is a good one someone sent to me...

..Tenn Lottery Winner..

There are Redneck Cards on this site..I can not seem to get the inividual pages to link right..ya gotta see these.....cards..

1200+ Redneck one liners and jokes..all on the clean side..it is getting hard to find any new ones..so if you hear one let me know...

Mason Dixon line..the difference between Y'all and Y'ouse..

..Things u'll Never Hear a Rednik say..

Fred..put that gun away..that thar wrasslin match was won fair n square..
I just got me a poodle..an he's so cute..
I dont like this yard sale..lets go to the mall
whuts that dead thing on the side o the road..??..

..Could ya be a YANKEE..?..

Now please do not get confused..just because you are a Yankee does not mean you are not a Redneck..on with the show..

You think barbeque is a "verb" meaning to cook outside
you think Okra is a talk show
You don't have any hats in your closet advertising for a feed show..
You'd rather listen to Springsteen than Bocephus..
You think Goo Goo is baby talk
You think goose bumps at the beach is normal

U don't know the difference between Kudzu n Kung FuThe thought of eating scrapple does not turn yer stomach..

You think SKOL i an institute of higher learning..
You own more than 3 shirts..and 2 are clean..
One of them there shirts is pink..!!..
You have no jeans with the legs cut off..No shirts with the sleeves cut off..

You barbecue on an electric grill..
You do not think WD-40 is a great substitute for Vitalis
You think Heinz Ketsup is spicy
You've never had a moon pie

You've never had an aunt who won the pickling contest at the county fair
You sey "you guys even when both of ya are women
You's rather go to Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags
You think Kudzu is a cartoon
You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork

You have had no problem prounouncing worcestshire sauce
None of your fur coats are homemade
You've never heard of Carolina Treet
None of your relatives are named Homer
Instead of a truck you own a sport utility vehicle
you thought all those vittles on The Beverly Hillbilies was just a joke..

YA might be a REDNECK if..

The only exercise you get is when ya go fer another beer..
yer body is 75% cholesterol..
ya got a truck so ugly yer dog refuses to get in it..
ya got a 120 year mortage on yer house which may knot make it to next spring
You have sausage and mayo on a biscuit fer breakfast..(no joke)
yer feet are flat but yer belly aint
you are looking for a new job when others are retiring
your neighborhood association wont associate with you

..yer wife might be a REDNECK ifn..

She uses ketchup instead of tomatoe sauce in her spaghetti ..
she uses a hammer as a cooking utensil.
..people are afraid to touch her bathrobe
She's been on at least 6 talk shows talkin about you..
..she substitutes bacon grease for olive oil in the pesto sauce...
Her only shoes are house slippers..
She wears knee highs with a skirt..
She has a pair of cut offs made from double knit pants..
Her mustache is thicker n yours..
She paints the house in John Deere green.
All her best friends are in prison..
She saves bacon greese in a coffee can..
She has a 3 o'clock shadow before you do...
She fixes the best fried squirrel you ever et.
She owns more guns than you ..
Her favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front...
She uses Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles..
She has spent more time in jail than you..
Her secret ingredient for goulash comes from your spittoon..
She serves Road Kill Surprise for dinner..

***find answers..**How long does it take a REdneck to eat roadkill?

What's the first thing a REDNECK does when his truck breaks down?

What's the Tennessee state bird?

Where do Rednecks meet chicks?

What do you call a redneck with a third grade education?

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..answers..

it all depends on how heavy the traffic is
build a house
at the family reunion of course

Principal..

finished Oct 2004**posted June 2006**170