..this will probably be the end of the Redneck pages..I do not think I can find much more..it has been fun..thanks..

..ya might be a Redneck if..

..the FBBI has surrounded your trailer park more than twice this year..
..the UFO line limits you to 2 calls a day..

.. you run from the cops on a John Deere tractor.
..you hit a bump in the road and lose half your wordly possessions..

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..The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks..This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occured, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, "Oh, Shit"..Only the state of Montana was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

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..A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home, she asked her husband, "What's a specimen?"

He replied, "Hell if I know. Go next door and ask Edith, she's a nurse."

The woman goes next door and comes back in about 20 minutes, clothes torn, and multiple bruises and cuts all over her body.

"What in the world happened?" asked her husband.

"Damned if I know," she replied. "I asked Edith what a specimen was, and she told me to go piss in a bottle. So I told her to go shit in her hat, and then all hell broke loose!"

..You might be in a Redneck church if.......

1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call to Worship is Y'all come on in!
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says, I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering..and seven guys stand up..

5. The restrooms are outside..
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck because, I ain't ever been in a hole it couldn't get me out of.

8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of two calves..

9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.

11. A singing group is known as the "OK Chorale".

12. The church directory doesn't have last names.

13. The pastor wears boots.
14. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a bag of squash.

15. Baptism is referred to as "branding".

16. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
17. High notes on the organ sets dogs in the parking lot to howling.

18. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish were bass or catfish.

19. People think "Rapture" is what happens when you lift something too heavy.
20 People are buried with a sack of fertilizer to help them rise on Judgment Day..

21. The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back now, ya hear?".